Chat about Claimants
(The claimants to the Portland millions are so numerous now that the papers
have given up trying to chronicle their movements. A few details, however,
of the private lives of one or two are given below.)
ILL-TIMED PLEASANTRIES
A CLAIMANT who posed as a wit
Started chaffing a stranger a bit . . .
They took him, in parts,
On a stretcher to Bart's.
The stranger was G Hackenschmidt.
THE JOURNALIST’S PROUD MOMENT
A claimant who wrote for the Press,
When they asked “Are yon brainy?” said “Yes!
In the street yesterday
I heard somebody say,
‘See that chap? It’s Hall Caine!!’ That’s Success!!!”
THE DIABOLIST
A claimant in edgey Stamboul
Soliloquised thus to his spool:
“When you’re thrown to the sky,
You come down on my eye;
And now you won’t spin! Silly fool!”
DENTISTRY IN INDIA
A claimant in far-off Bombay
Behaved in a singular way.
He wrapped up his teeth
In a sort of a sheath,
Which, he stated, arrested decay.
UNREST AT SYDENHAM
There was a young Sydenham claimant
Who would not settle up for his raiment.
Till his tailor said, “Dash!
I insist upon cash!”
When he made an immediate payment.
STOLID SURREY
A fowl-farming claimant of Surrey
Fed his hens upon pea-nuts and curry.
When his friends came and said,
“All your birds are now dead!”
He replied. “So they are. Still, why worry?”