THE TIP
Sir,
It seems to me that a great deal of unnecessary fuss is being made about the harmless practice of giving tips in country houses. My grievance is that it costs so much to get into a country house, not to get out of it. I calculate that in one way and another my invitation to Sangazure Towers this August worked out at 10,000l (though this, of course, includes the privilege of calling the duke Charlie). As regards tips, I never have any difficulty. Fifty pounds or so will always satisfy the butler, and an average of 20l a-piece settles the other servants. These are mere fleabites to
Yours, &c Max Hoggenheimer
Sir,
With tact, tipping need never be a burden. My own system may be of use to others. At the close of my stay I let it get noised abroad that I propose to leave by the morning express on, say, the following Saturday. On Friday afternoon I walk out of the house, ostensibly for an ante-dinner stroll. Once out of sight I race to the station, catch the up train, and write to my host from London asking that my luggage may be sent on. Except for the trifling objection that it reduces one’s list of friends, I have always found this answer admirably.
Yours, &c Resourceful
Sir,
The error into which most of your correspondents fall is in supposing that it is essential for a tip to be a sum of money. I have never disbursed a penny in this way. It is my practice to present each of the domestics of the house at which I have been staying with a handsomely-bound autographed copy of my latest work of poetry. I have known butlers who would have sneered at a five-pound note sob with joy on receipt of “Pink Passion—a Poem”, by
Yours, &c Alfred Stephen Austin-Phillipps
PS—Owing to this custom of mine, I may add that “P P” is now in a third edition.
Sir,
Not a bad plan, if you wish to avoid tipping, is to do as I do. I have, fortunately, a reputation for poor health. When I wish to leave a house, therefore, I am taken ill. One of those illnesses where you sit up in bed, propped up with pillows, and look pale. Something anæmic and interesting, but non-infectious. In due course the doctor comes along, and orders me off to the Riviera. I am carried to the station in a litter. Also in a swoon. I defy any servant living to broach the subject of tips with one in such a state. As soon as the train has started, I go to the restaurant car and have an underdone pork chop and potatoes.
Yours, &c Valetudinarian
Sir,
Given common sense, nobody need tip excessively. I simply talk a good deal during my visit of the sums I have won on the turf, and create a general impression that I am in the know. On leaving, I press half-a-crown into the butler’s hand, and say in a whisper, “My boy, that’s fifty pounds if you put it on Bounding Butterscotch next Tuesday.” The gratified man tumbles over himself with joy.
Yours, &c Turfite
Sir,
I once tipped a butler a sovereign, and then borrowed a fiver off him for the other servants.
Yours, &c Self-Help
Sir,
Post-dated cheques are the things. Scatter them about freely among the servants, then write to the bank and stop them. I always do this.
Yours, &c Financier