Madame Eulalie’s Rare Plums

[A pickpocket, sentenced at Clerkenwell, was said to have been in the habit of making frequent changes in his attire. In the morning he wore a frock coat and silk hat, in the afternoon a Norfolk suit and gaiters, and in the evening another suit.]

Unhappy sir, I grieve to note
Your quite mistaken plan;
Believe me, it is not the coat
That makes the gentleman.
No thinking soul will praise. I wis,
Neat “bags”, and such-like frippery,
If but the heart they cover is
Deceitful, black, and slippery.

Ah, better thirty-shilling suits,
And made-up scarlet ties,
And paper cuffs, and yellow boots,
Though painful to the eyes.
Better a hat without a band
Than one acquired by trickery;
Oh! better far an ungloved hand
Than kids and pocket-pickery.

Relinquish the frock coat of shame,
Oh, shun the glossy tile;
Avoid (I use the tailors’ name)
The “dressy Bond-street style”.
Go in no more for raiment bright:
One suit—are you aware of it?—
Will last a really honest wight
A year, if he takes care of it.

The words of wisdom which I drop
Would meet with more success,
If gaol afforded greater op-
Portunities for dress.
Your clothes are chosen for you. Still,
When bonds have ceased to trouble you,
Remember what I’ve said. You will?
That’s right.
Yours,
P G W