Madame Eulalie’s Rare Plums

[Lord Kitchener is said to dislike dancing.]

Oh, terror of Great Britain’s foes,
In you is said to lurk a
Dislike of light fantastic toes,
A scorn of the mazurka.
For valse (or Vaals) you do not long,
Nor even can the lancers
Attract you to the merry throng
To join the other dancers.

Full many military men,
Though tough (like you) as hickory,
Delight to practise now and then
The worship of Terpsichore.
Then why should you alone, they ask,
From such amusements shrink so?
It can’t be that you fear the task.
Who, knowing you, could think so?

And yet, on second thoughts, perchance
It may, I feel, be caution
That makes you fly the mazy dance,
The smooth and polished floor shun.
For lesser men we’ll keep the ball:
No harm to see them slipping.
But you—it wouldn’t do at all,
If people caught you tripping.