* * * *
Reformed.
An eminent doctor considers that vegetarian diet and artificial food may have something to do with the increase of crime.
Erstwhile a vegetarian,
On curious foods I fed,
A terrible barbarian
In all I did and said.
My matutinal ravages
On oatmeal and on fruit
Made me the worst of savages;
In fine, a perfect brute.
The shocking deeds I did, oh!
They fill me with dismay.
The orphan and the widow
I cheated every day.
Without a lamp at nightfall
I cycled near and far;
My speed was something frightful
When in my motor-car.
At last, one happy morning,
A medico I knew
Administered a warning,
And gave me counsel, too.
He bade me change my diet.
“You’ll find”, said he “I’m sure,
The scheme a sound one. Try it.”
I did. It worked a cure.
My hand no longer forges,
No longer robs the till.
All Bacchanalian orgies
My soul with horror fill.
I seldom cheat or kill any.
My nature’s mild and sweet.
I shun all kinds of villainy.
And why? I live on meat.