Madame Eulalie’s Rare Plums

[A Balham bandsman has been corresponding with the lady of his heart by the ingenious method of using initial letters instead of words. Thus HH stood for Happy Home. The bard feels himself unable to resist a word of thanks to this gentleman.]

Beneficent bandsman of Balham,
Accept this poor tribute from me;
May good fortune and wealth and the best of
sound health
Pursue you wherever you be.
Of clever inventors full many
We’ve had since creation began,
But I very much question if any
Have done such a service to man.

In the days that are distant, departed,
(How very laborious it seems!),
A lover who wrote an affectionate note
Was expected to fill several reams.
It used to astonish and grieve her
If he showed a desire to scamp,
And many a man got brain fever,
And dozens got writer’s cramp.

Then you came with your cunning contrivance,
And gave us a merciful rest;
No need to spend days in pursuit of a phrase
Or a sentiment neatly expressed;
You freed us at last from our fetters,
You smoothed our fast-furrowing brow;
A series of capital letters
Is all she expects from us now.

With ease void of every exertion
We dash off a passionate screed;
The whole may be writ in a line and a bit,
Though it’s rather perplexing to read.
If alien eye should peruse it,
No meaning it’s likely to teach;
And it baffles the counsel who’d use it
To back up an “action for breach”.