Vanity Fair (UK) (August 11, 1904)
(“High Tea”, according to a medical journal, “is a deadly meal, containing albuminoids and tannin.”)
(Air: Bedelia)
There’s a certain gifted dramatist who never cares to dine;He abjures his soups, both thick and clear, his entrées and his wine:
Every evening at six-thirty, if a play he means to see,
He rings the bell and orders up high tea,
Though he knows how very deadly it must be.
Pinero, you are a hero,
For danger you care no pin:
Albuminoids and tannin
You tackle with a grin.
You care not, though your digestion
Such acts must surely mar;
Oh! Pinero—ero—ero.
You’re a hero, hero, hero,
Yes, Pinero, yes you are.
Oh! Pinero, do be careful; my dismay I can’t conceal,
When I witness your devotion to that cataclysmal meal;
You’re the only man I know of who can write a play in style,
Most modern ones are absolutely vile,
So we shouldn’t like to lose you yet awhile.
Pinero, you are a hero,
But don’t be one any more:
Your craving for eggs and muffins
Your well-wishers must deplore.
The stoutest of constitutions
Curls up before high teas,
So Pinero—ero—ero,
Be a hero, hero, hero,
On some other lines but these.