An Election Episode
Vanity Fair (UK) (February 1, 1906)
(With apologies to AD)
Scene:—Any smoking-room.
Jones:—If I were you, who always vowed Protection
Meant dearer food—an error through and through,
I should not wish for Arthur’s resurrection,
If I were you!
Brown:—If I were you, who think that England’s glories
Were won by men of sane and sober view,
I should, at least, have voted for the Tories,
If I were you!
Jones:—If I were you, who favour the suggestion
C-B will take from Redmond, J, his cue,
I should, at any rate, have thought about the question,
If I were you!
Brown:—If I were you, when scarce a workman knows if
There will be left a job for him to do,
I should not think it smart to sneer at Joseph,
If I were you!
Jones:—If I were you, I would not serve the minions,
Cringing and fawning on the Rand-lord crew ;
Brown:—No, I should, doubtless, hold no sane opinions,
If I were you!
Jones:—Really, that answer takes a deal of beating;
Don’t get so hot, sir, nor so red of hue,
I should not think such language worth repeating,
If I were you!
Brown:—One doesn’t like one’s views to be so scouted,—
Jones:—That was because you chose to misconstrue,—
Brown:—If I admit my Party has been routed?—
Jones:—I shall confess my lot aren’t blameless, too.
Brown:—Let’s have a drink! I’d say no more about it,
If I were you!