Daily Express, Thursday, October 22, 1903
 

Poem 20

(By P. G. Wodehouse)

THE PARROT.

———♦———

I observed Augustus Edward, ¹
My young nephew, going bedward,
And he said, “I’ve got a problem
Which I’d like you to explore,”
While I wondered what the boy meant—
Problems give me keen enjoyment—
He inquired: “Why does our Parrot
Say ‘Your food will cost you more!’ ”

“ ’Pon my honour,” I admitted,
“I’m considered ready-witted,
And on any other topic
I could talk from ten to four,
Talk profoundly, aye and neatly,
But you’ve got me here completely:
I’ve no notion why the Parrot
Says ‘Your food will cost you more!’

“I could win a high position
In a weekly competition;
Any prop. devised by Euclid ²
I would undertake to floor:
Words like ‘fuchsia’ I could spell you; ³
But I really cannot tell you
What on earth’s the hidden meaning
Of ‘Your food will cost you more!’

“I’m a clever sort of person.
Riddles are my main diversion.
Why a miller wears a white hat,
When a door is not a door,
I could solve without assistance.
But there’s no one in existence
Who can plumb that dark conundrum, ⁴
Why ‘Your food will cost you more!’ ”

 

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 1

This does not seem to be an allusion to a particular person, merely a name chosen because it fits the poem’s metre.

 2

Prop: proposition. Euclid’s Elements is constructed in the form of propositions, which are then proved.

 3

This only makes sense if it is recognised that ‘fuchsia’ is not pronounced phonetically, but as something resembling “fewshya”.

 4

Among the meanings ascribed to ‘conundrum’ in the Oxford English Dictionary are “A riddle in the form of a question the answer to which involves a pun or play on words” and “Any puzzling question or problem”. While a riddle such as “When is a door not a door?” is an example of the first meaning, it is the second meaning that is intended here.