New Year Resolutions.

Mr. Birrell: To order a neat suit of black.

The Premier: To learn to love the House of Lords.

The House of Lords: To remember that it is not the man who wins who calls the names.

The Suffragettes: To learn Jiu-jitsu.

The Constable on Duty at Palace Yard: To resign.

Mr. Roosevelt: To explain to California that he does not mean to be President of the dis-United States.

Mr. Moberly Bell: To order an inexpensive halo for Mr. Hooper.

Mr. H. E. Hooper: To send New Year’s cards to ^R/S 10853 and ‘A Country Curate’ as rewards of merit.

Mr. G. B. Shaw: To write a play with a strong comic beri-beri scene.

Mr. W. T. Stead: To wear no clothes.

Mr. Plowden: To clear the Court if there is laughter while he is trying a case.

Miss Phyllis Dare: To smile.

Miss Zena Dare: Not to smile.

Mr. Max Beerbohm: To write an article in praise of Baedeker.

Mr. George Edwardes: To try and avoid frost-bite.

The Kaiser: To continue to observe his rule of speaking with marked kindness of the Supreme Governing Powers of the Universe.

King Leopold of Belgium: To make up his mind that this year, at any rate, he will not lose money over the Congo, as he has been doing for so long.

King Haakon: To relieve public suspense by proclaiming the correct way to pronounce his name.

Count Boni de Castellane: To give a series of lectures on ‘Platonic Affection.’

Mr. Rockefeller: To take the bull by the horns, and spend a dollar in keeping up his position in the Smart Set.

Mr. Winston Churchill: To apply for the title-rôle in the next production of ‘Peter Pan, the boy who wouldn’t grow up.’

Mr. Algernon Ashton: To take to using postcards, to save expense.