(A petition is being got up by the Smiths of Chicago to restrain a Smith of that town from changing his name. They complain that his act is an insult to the family of Smith.)

Ye Smiths to whom Deceit’s taboo,
 Whom rage compels to writhe
When meeting shady shufflers who
 Pronounce their name as Smythe,

Who resolutely ban, condemn
 All those (for such there be)
Who graft upon the parent stem
 A needless final E,

Arise and smite this soulless man:
 From dull inaction wake.
The honour of your ancient clan,
 Believe me, is at stake.

Is he then wrought of nobler stuff,
 Of finer clay than ye?
The name of Smith was good enough
 For better men than he.

Search keenly through Fame’s golden scroll.
 Is the name absent? No.
The scoffed-at title, on the whole,
 Makes quite a decent show.

So rally round, and see that he
 Gives up this deed of shame.
Only a female Smith shall be
 Allowed to change the name.

P. G. W.